NOTE: I was gonna publish this earlier ( and maybe should have) but I wanted to wait and see if anything ridiculous happened in the interim. I avoid controversial "clickbait" topics especially when I throw-in my two cents abaout such a controversial topic.
I want to make it very clear: I understand why some people disagree with the official findings. My intent is not stir-up old wounds or cause grief. I am fully aware of how much emotion this stirred-up and why. A similar (but less controversial) incident happened only a few months before in the city where I lived at the time. I watched many people who I cared about and respected go through horrific pain and even helped run interference with local media for them at the time. This isn't about a new circus 20 years later.
I just saw this via Disinfo on Facebook last night and was taken aback. I never thought this would happen but I am glad it did.
I'll leave you to watch the video, make up your own mind, and if you want, you can read my thoughts afterward.
Forgive me, this is going to get dark. This is a dark subject and life is a dark ride.
I am and have always been a suspicious person. I was precocious enough as a a very little kid that when I first discovered the idea of deception I immediately began projecting it on others.
That has never changed.
When Cobain died there was always a little part of me that was suspicious.
Any time a rich person, a powerful person, or a public figure dies-for any reason-I believe the best course of action is to always approach it with suspicion. Those sorts of people attract people who will do awful things.
Like moths to a flame.
The people who often are attracted aren't the moth that burns itself or the flame but the sick fuck who grabs the moth and holds it to the flame.
My concern was that there were people like that around Cobain.
Cynicism aside, it seemed pretty obvious to me (at first) that all of the signs were there for Kurt Cobain to shoot himself: drug addiction, the dark nature of his music, gun references in songs, broken home, traumatic childhood....
( if you are a Cobain fan-or even if you just like a good documentary, watch "About a Son" it s a true work of art.)
Still, I was open-minded.
I have also known, in my life, some pretty evil people. People who have done unimaginable things simply because they could or maybe stood to gain from them.
Sometimes their only gain was to please themselves somehow....
When reports of conspiracy theories arose, I got much more suspicious.
The accusations leveled against Courtney Love coincided with her increasingly erratic behavior (and the outward appearance of narcissism as she was getting weirder). Those things combined with her own (alleged) statements about Kurt saying she was materialistic , and the fact that she was (allegedly) banned from being near Echo and the Bunnymen for stalking Ian McCullough raised a major red-flag.*
There are many other things which have been stated over the past 20 years that can fan that fire.
And they should.
You should never rest until you are convinced to the point you won't lose sleep over it.
Several years ago, after a former co-worker was brutally murdered, another friend said something to me that stuck. It is true, helps keep me rational, and provides a solid counterweight to my suspicious nature.
My friend has extensive special-operations military experience and nearly 20 years in law enforcement. He has dealt with intelligence-gathering, combat, terrorists, dirty cops, and cop killers.
"It's always connected." he told me. " Always. It doesn't mean there is an actual connection."
In this case, my suspicious nature, and my by-now well-trained eyes and ears believe the detective in the video.
I want to compliment the news-crew who shot this.
I have to wonder if at least one of the videogrphers was experienced enough to know where to put the cameras to spot a liar.
We have all seen interviews with cops (among others) where it was obvious they were playing to the cameras and/or lying. The great thing about this video is the concentration on his voice and eyes.
This guy wasn't lying.
He just wasn't. Aliens would have had to kidnap this guy and hypnotize him to pull of a lie like this.
Some people will still disagree with this assessment, but this guy was not lying to us.
I am usually the first on-board with conspiracy theories-even if it is just an intellectual exercise.
But I am good with this conclusion.
There will always be lingering doubts for many people. Nobody wants a hero and inspiration (which Kurt Cobain was ) to just off-themself at the height of their greatness.
That is a stick in the eye to the fans and the kindred spirits.
It just sucks. It just really, really, really sucks.
We, as fans, when we latch onto someone who writes beautiful songs about dark things want to believe a couple things: We want to believe this person knows something about us (singular or as a whole) that somebody outside us/ourselves doesn't, that their connection with we/us makes us stronger as a person or group and, that connection can make all of us (artist included) cohesive and happy in the future.
Who doesn't want that...especially of you are part of the outer-class?
When you factor in the loss of a someone often seen by certain fans as a mentor with suicicde?
It can be seen not only as a crushing loss but a failure of love to conquer.
That is some seriously heavy shit for anyone.
The details the detective provided about:
Kurt's gimmick, the cigarette butts, the junkie-type ritualization around the scene, the placement of the note......? Yeah, as much as I hate to admit it? He offed-himself.
For me it is case-closed.
But, as with anything this horrible, there are other aspects and not all of them are bad:
One of the things that always makes me tear-up is the impassioned pleas of DJ's all over on the day Cobain died.
Suicide hotlines were overwhelmed.
But I know it helped people in the long-run.
Don't DO IT, call this number...please!
The upside to this is the dialogue on suicide.
It sucks it took this to make things better, but the thing is? Just as we become suspicious in groups, we also help in groups. I would like to think that Cobain's death saved more people than it killed. Most suicidal people want to be loved at least as much as they want to die.
Make that thought make you more compassionate and thoughtful.
If someone threatens suicide, take it seriously. It is often a call for attention. Sometimes a veiled cry for attention succeeds and someone who doesn't really want to die dies. In 1990 a college classmate told me his girlfriend was talking about it. I told him to watch her very closely and why. Two days later he approached me on campus and said she tried. Not to blow my own horn, but he told me that if I hadn't alerted him she might have succeeded.
Much in the same way I am conflicted about the fate of Flight MH370, I am also conflicted by Kurt Cobain's death.
Sadly, I wish he was murdered as part of a wicked conspiracy. I wish he had found a way to make it through his personal darkness and forge-ahead. I wish he was planning on making himself a role-model to save kids who went through the same shit as him.
That wasn't the case. He checked-out.
That sucks but we're still here.
Once you stare-down that demon, the world becomes a different place.
Make the most of it.
It is worth it.
We really DO love you. That's why we're here.
* I can't find that story on the internet because it was so long ago, but there are legit claims she was banned from being at Echo and the Bunnymen shows. I am not sure if it was SPIN or Rolling Stone, but that story is out there somewhere. If you find it, please post it.